"With heartfelt thanks for the lovely wedding gift.
"Love, Mel and Joe."
Hey, hey, i would appreciate it if you would stop putting
a little smiley face in the middle of my "o."
How about a grumpy face with little, angry eyebrows?
Yeah, like that.
Okay, now, honey, this--
this right here is a fantastic wedding gift, all right?
It's called a wine aerator.
See, what happens is you pop the cork,
pour the wine through that baby, and boom.
You don't have to wait for the wine to breathe.
Wait, wine has to breathe?
I usually just get it in my mouth right away so it doesn't suffer.
Why don't we try this thing out right now?
Right now? It's 10:00 in the morning.
Ugh, you and your uptight rules:
No wine before 5:00, no sex in the car.
I was driving.
On a highway in a straight line.
Fuddy-duddy.
Okay, now the hard part--
thank you notes for the gifts we don't like.
This is gonna take a bit of diplomacy,
a touch of creativity, and a crapload of lying.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, this is, um...
Yep, this is-- oh boy.
Ooh.
There's nothing good you're gonna be able to say about this, baby.
Oh? Watch this.
"Dear cousin Donna,
"leave it to you to find the most unique lamp either of us has ever seen.
"We're fighting over who gets to put it on their nightstand."
- Not mine. - Not mine.
"Love, Mel and Joe."
Good one. All right, now on to this monstrosity.
Ugh, what, does the guy who makes the coffee live inside of it?
(Chuckles)
What are we telling, aunt bunny and uncle Bert?
(Groans)
Sweet aunt bunny.
She was too sick to make it to the wedding.
I kind of wish she was too sick to buy us this thing.
"Dear aunt bunny and uncle Bert,
"your gift brightens our mornings.
"Joe and i start each and every day
"enjoying a delightful cup of coffee from the..."
Oh. Oh, yeah. The il duce.
Uh...
"The latest technology in caffeinated beverage production."
- "Coffee machine." - Mm.
"Your gift is a centerpiece of our marital kitchen."
You really want it in the kitchen?
Are you kidding? I want that thing out of here, now.
Yes, ma'am.
All right. What's next here?
Okay, this is from your cousin Judy.
Yeah, this is gonna take all of your literary prowess
to come up with something nice to say about it, honey.